HELP WANTED: DYSFAITH THOUGHT CELL (DTC) SEEKS WILD PHILOSOPHERS/EPISTEMOLOGICAL PLAYERS

Qualifications: Anyone seeking to assume this position [sic] should know that everything is, primarily, a word being. Secondly, the successful applicant will have a sophisticated definition of “we” that employs diverse fields of study, including but not limited to biology, physics, politics, ecology, psychology, anthropology, philosophy, art, literature and the history of the biosphere in concert with the cosmic song and dance routine. Applicants must cheerfully assert the localized and proliferating formula of the world, confirming it a rejuvenating text of unsettled, blameless signs existing, by chance, as the decisive odyssey of the seed, imagined then examined via the mechanisms of flesh and mind, materialized through experimental and/or theoretical practices. Simply put, only those who view language as the metaphysics of existence need submit to an interview, during which one will be asked to justify one’s knowledge using both rational (i.e.: civilized) and irrational (i.e.: wild) clarifications. You will also legitimize this truth in parable, proving your awareness of the immanent paradox informing space-time, et al., which reveals itself a bastard child obsessively performing deconstructive processes, as virtue contributes to everything that invigorates an Earthling’s soul. The idea that events in the human story inevitably unfold according to knowable general laws toward a pre-determined end must be annihilated by the willing candidate, who will oppose authoritarian and totalitarian ideologies everywhere at all times and by any means necessary. The wild philosophers/epistemological players we’re looking for will have open minds toward God, and be prepared to advance theses asserting and/or disputing deity, as commonly defined, as the universal mechanism of nature, being inseparable from Its energy, the lesser entities comprising It being modes and/or modifications of Its existence in any perceived situation. Finally, we specifically seek those among you who identify with John Kennedy Toole.

Duties: None. You will be obligated to do nothing. If you’re not able to do nothing, subverting the world’s cognitively dissonant busy bodies, unable through your stillness to evoke a deeper consciousness in others leading to a peace that titillates their soul, you’re not up to the vocation. If accepted, you will feel invited to pursue your bliss on a public stage, serving as an antibiotic and chemotherapy to the malignant, radioactive virus infecting and consuming the Amerikan psyche. This enabling obstacle will tempt your public deconstruction, in concert with other Dysfaithers, of the powers oppressing us and destroying the planet for primates and their kin. Finally, you will kindle awareness in others that a fear of death is really a fear of life, and there’s no use in denying it, getting angry over it or even accepting it. Primal fear must be overcome to re-invigorate humankind’s finest dreams.

Compensation: Grief. People ain’t gonna like you. They’re going to say you’re a freeloading scumbag, a snake in the grass, a no good lazy bastard and worse. Of course, the fact you’ll be actively dysfaithing them will undo their charges. By proving yourself a negative to their positive a circuit can be formed, enabling a more complex system-one more amenable to our actual existence-a chance to evolve. You will have the satisfaction of knowing you were one of those who tried to awaken Amerika’s conscience by not cooperating with its systemic psychopathy before it was too late. You’ll be doing everything you can because you love Gaia more than your neighbor’s livelihood, his or her labor-consumer rights or privileges. Being loving, merciful, sincere and wise reaps what it sews in the individual mind. Righteousness is its own treasure not easily acquired. Most folks consider it too costly.

About DTC: First, I must confess this thought cell now comprises two biochemical compounds-the poet Jared Schickling and me. We meet at his apartment two or three evenings per month to actively deconstruct current and historical events of all types. We leave these meetings re-charged for the work ahead. We also watch artsy-fartsy films with subtitles and obscure documentaries, finding room to giggle at their subversiveness. If we have a goal, it’s an ironically simple one. We want to fight for our right to party (in every sense of the word; Jared disapproves of the immediate connotation because he’s never had to fight anyone to get high). I’m over 40, old enough to be Jared’s father, so this partying thing crosses generational lines and means different things to different people. I’m thinking of “party” as the peaceful right to assembly without government harassment or interference. We’re sick and tired of being angry and seek to counter Amerika’s meanness with a good, thought provoking laugh. Laughter and joy do not mean a lack of seriousness. On the contrary, only the most sober people are truly laughable. They see what requires a humorous approach and realize its affect [vice effect]. Most Amerikans, however, do not share our gravity, our sense of humor or lightness. They’re simply not there yet. Our aim is to invite them to our party once they’re suffering from rage, fear and greed fatigue. If enough thought cells congeal, who knows, our nation (and species) may yet evolve a cerebral cortex capable of dealing with global warming, nuclear proliferation, indentured servitude and slavery

How to Apply: Please send resume, cover letter and four personal references to yourself. Be in the mind of your harshest critic and deconstruct the data before you. Come face to face with your dark side and laugh at it. Mock your demons. Go online and profess your findings to the world. Live by your word. Commit your sins. We’ll find each other naturally.