How to Run a Country (and get away with it) - Part 1

Raising Taxes – contrary to dominant political belief of our time there is nothing inherently wrong with raising taxes. Nonetheless you must not be seen to raise taxes.

Most of the electorate in the UK want high quality European style public services whilst simultaneously wanting US style low taxation. The two things simply don’t add up so you must raise the money for the public services without being seen to raise taxes. This means raising VAT and other taxes that the public do not see deducted from their pay slips. Fuel tax, Cigarette and Alcohol Duty and many more options are available.

It is true that these taxes penalise the poor more than the rich but the poor don’t vote and are generally in no position to defend themselves anyway, so there is no problem.

Being The Aggressor – As much as you talk in other interviews about strong government it doesn’t pay to be seen to have picked a fight, from television interviews to invading other countries it always has to appear like self-defence. Therefore you must convince people there is a genuine threat to security before going to war and you must put on a pious aggrieved face when asked a difficult question in interviews – it is vital to appear like a victim before you strike out.

Ever Admitting You Were Wrong – with one exception – when the tabloids owned by the most powerful moguls say you are, in which case its good to make an obsequious climb-down speech.

Physically Attacking Those You Wish To Elect You – A rule famously broken by John Prescott MP who attacked and punched a voter who threw an egg at him and by former Scottish Office Minister and Conservative MP Allan Stewart who, while still in office, threatened activists protesting against an expansion of the M77 motorway by brandishing a pick-axe handle and saying to them “Useful weapon a pickaxe; there’s a lot you can do with a pickaxe”. It is not clever to bring your siblings or offspring along to such incidents either – at the same incident Mr Stewart’s son was charged with a firearm offence

Admitting To Homosexuality – never admit it upfront. It is much better to hope you are caught indulging in homosexual behaviour secretly and then hope for the resulting popularity surge when your “private torment” is finally exposed (NB, this approach only works in the UK, I am not sure how it plays in the USA) .

Leaking To The Press – this is one of the best weapons in a politicians armoury, provided of course that they know how to use it properly. Nearly everyone in the political field leaks, presidents, prime ministers, civil servants, even journalists leak stories to politicians occasionally – just don’t get caught doing it.

Leaking has long been a way of preparing the public for a potentially unpopular policy.

Here is how it works – firstly you give the basics of a possible new policy to the press who will cite it as being from “sources close to the government” – its easy to get away with it as technically everyone is close to the government in some way – what do I mean? Do you pay taxes? Do you get benefits? Then technically you are directly related to the government. Then the press will run the story and the public will react. If the public don’t like it you can say it wasn’t your policy anyway it was only “sources close to the government” that were mentioned. If they do like it then you can press ahead with the policy

Easy peasy.

Suing Members Of The Media And Losing – Rupert Allison springs to mind. The TV Show Have I Got News For You suggested that Mr Allison could be referred to as a “conniving little shit”. Officially however, this is now true as the TV show won the case!