Top Ten Ways to Deal with Potential Rapist/Attacker

1. Pray and/or meditate

2. Kick his balls up into his goddamned throat

3. Chalk it up to bad karma

4. Recognize that he is a human and tell him that you love him

5. Spray mace in his face and then kick his balls up into his goddamned throat

6. Blame patriarchy

7. Ask yourself: What would Gandhi/Dalai Lama/Jesus do?

8. Try to remember that excellent saying about non-violence you got from your Pilates teacher

9. Blame the Republicans

10. Look down to draw his attention in that direction and promptly whip out a finger jab to his eyes. When he brings his hands up (too late) to protect himself, kick his balls up into his goddamned throat...doubling him over. Follow-up by grabbing him by the hair and bringing his face down into a powerful knee blow...and then get the fuck out of there as fast as you can.